This Deadly Mistake Could Rip Joy From Your Family
The boy looked at his 10 year-old sister and scolded her: “I do not know what’s making you happy; why are you jumping about and laughing around? It seems like you have got no work”
Can you pick out what is wrong in his expression? pause and go over it again.
It’s normal if you can’t see anything wrong, because most of us were raised to find such statements normal, but here is the very dangerous idea his statement carried: his statement meant that displaying happiness and joy shouldn’t be an everyday thing; rather, it should have a special trigger, and be reserved for special days.
Do you also believe this? Here is why you should not.
1.Our role model was not that way
Alhasan, the grandson of the prophet asked his father, Aliyy, about the Prophet’s character and the first thing Aliyy mentioned was: “The Prophet was always happy; there was always a smile and sign of happiness on his face”1
Our Prophet , about whom Allah said: “there is certainly for you, in The Prophet, a good example” would always cut a happy, smiling and lively figure, even on normal days when there did not seem to be a special reason. Of course, there were certain days that he was sad or angry, but those were not the normal days.
Happiness is exhibiting positive emotions which come from a place of feeling satisfaction about how things are going around us. It should be normal in Muslim families to always feel satisfied about how things are going around us — whether we are rich or poor, whether the day ended up with much sales or not, whether we failed an exam or passed.
Muslims understand that everything is the decree of Allah, and as long as they stick to the commandments of Allah, He would never decree for them except what is good.
In Muslim families, we do not need special triggers to be happy, it should be written all over our faces, on our walls, in our kitchens — even if there are no foodstuffs.
2.Their happiness Is Your Own Benefit
Having happy children will put your heart at rest — if, and only if you open your heart to their joy and happiness and do not feel irritated by them.
If you feel irritated by their joy and happiness, you would be denying yourself the joy you should reap for free.
Imagine you have had a tired and worrisome day at work, then you return and hear your kids’ ringing laughter from afar, even though they haven’t had anything to eat that night, you are more likely to feel more at rest and happy.
When you go in, they approach you with questions from the lively arguments they had been having, but you do not turn them away by asking ‘what is making them happy in this situation’, rather you share in the joy and encourage it even though you worry about the fact that they have not eaten, so you answer their question and the laugh and continue their arguments.
If your worry level was 7, by now it would have decreased to 5.
In this situation, it is easier to explain how things had been at work, they are going to be supportive and understanding, and when you see a mistake from them too on such a night, the aura of love and mutual understanding would push you to carefully address it and help them.
Even with all the problems your family might be going through, both kids and parents would feel easy and happy.
If, on the other hand, you go home to unhappy kids who are not lively, the moment you go in, everything is silent and you do not feel the eagerness to share your worries, there is no mutual understanding, and everyone goes to bed hungry and sad. If, in such a situation, you notice a mistake from one of them, your previous worries are likely to make you flare up and further strain the relationship with your kids; the whole family would remain unhappy, grow farther apart and depressed; this one mistake would rip joy from your family and even if wealth ends up coming, it might be too late to correct.
3.Happy Children Will Achieve Better
Happy childhood memories are essential to a child’s developing brain, enthusiasm and willingness to learn and explore:
A happy child feels secure, satisfied and focused, he does not have worries, and hence can focus on beneficial things better.
Happy children will have less tendency to be depressed, and a high tendency to be connected to the deen since they feel a reason to be thankful to Allah for the little they have, unlike unhappy children who are at war with themselves and are not satisfied with what they have or how things happen around them.
Happy children are easier to help when they have problems: It is easier to make them talk, foster a good relationship with them, and to detect when something is worrying them and needs to be addressed, before it gets out of hand.
Happy children are also often more confident, and are more likely to influence their peers than the other way round, they also tend to raise better families, have better relationships and tend to be more responsible and helpful in the society.
A recent study by the American Psychological Association found that people who have fond memories of childhood, specifically their relationships with their parents, tend to have better health, less depression and fewer chronic illnesses as older adults. Previous research found the same was true for young adults.
“The most surprising finding was that we thought the effects would fade over time because participants were trying to recall things that happened sometimes over 50 years ago,” said William J. Chopik, PhD, from Michigan State University and lead author of the study. “One might expect childhood memories to matter less and less over time, but these memories still predicted better physical and mental health when people were in middle age and older adulthood.”
But in this world of full of struggles, work pressure, inflating prices of goods, insufficient salaries, how can you manage to be happy and joyous around family members?
We will not leave you to do this alone, insha Allah, stay connected to us, and help others benefit as we walk with you on this journey of raising a happier family.
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1. Hadith 9, chapter 48 of Shamaail Muhammadiyyah of Tirmidhi.